你曾经这样吗？

真的只是有时候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人说话，只想一个人静静的发呆。
真的只是有时候，突然觉得心情烦躁，看什么都觉得不舒服，心里闷的发慌，拼命想寻找一个出口。
真的只是有时候，发现身边的人都不了解自己，面对着身边的人，突然觉得说不出话。
真的只是有时候，感觉自己与世界格格不入，曾经一直坚持的东西一夜间面目全非。
真的只是有时候，突然很想逃离现在的生活，想不顾一切收拾自己简单的行李去流浪。
真的只是有时候，别人突然对你说，我觉得你变了，然后自己开始百感交集。
真的只是有时候，希望时间为自己停下，就这样和喜欢的人地老天荒。
真的只是有时候，在自己脆弱的时候，想一个人躲起来，不愿别人看到自己的伤口。
真的只是有时候，突然很想哭，却难过的哭不出来。
真的只是有时候，夜深人静的时候，突然觉得寂寞深入骨髓。
真的只是有时候，明明自己心里有很多话要说，却不知道怎样表达。
真的只是有时候，觉得自己其实一无所有，仿佛被世界抛弃。
真的只是有时候，明明自己身边很多朋友，却依然觉得孤单。
真的只是有时候，很想放纵自己，希望自己彻彻底底醉一次 。
真的只是有时候，自己的梦想很多，却力不从心。
真的只是有时候，常常找不到事情，无聊的无所适从。
真的只是有时候，突然找不到自己，把自己丢了。
真的只是有时候，心里突然冒出一种厌倦的情绪，觉得自己很累很累。
真的只是有时候，看不到自己未来的样子，迷茫的不知所措。
真的只是有时候，发现自己一夜之间长大了。
真的只是有时候，听到一首老歌，就突然想起一个人。
真的只是有时候，别人误解了自己有口无心的一句话，心里郁闷的发慌。
真的只是有时候，常常在回忆里挣扎，有很多过去无法释怀。
真的只是有时候，渴望别人的关怀，渴望一份简单的快乐。
真的只是有时候，看着时间一点点流逝，自己却无能为力。

oh i am not emo-ing..its just that i felt sometimes u'll feel like these rite?hehe..anyway enjoy life yo!

曹格-寂寞先生KTV

无所谓~

glasgow

since i came back to glasgow,i've been working and going on trips~:D

too lazy to blog cos there's alot of things to blog about!!heehee..anyway pictures of my ireland and paris trips are all on facebook~so check it out there:)

WILL be updating my blog more often !!:) wooottt~~

a month

its almost a month since you left..we've always been missing u..


the story begins after the bali trip.


my beloved kuku was admitted the General Hospital Kuala Lumpur.she was diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 3.

on the evening of the second day after she was admitted (wed) my sister and I visited her.we brought dinner for her to eat.she looked weak and pale.she had lost her appetite.it was heartbreaking to see her in that condition.


on the next day,mummy called me and asked me to go to the hospital to teman kuku as it was her first time doing dialysis.so i went there and i reached around 10.there were no parking!!ish!!!


anyway,after finding for a place to park,i went to the oncology department to see kuku,but she was not there.so the uncle infront told me that kuku was still doing her dialysis..it was so weird cos she went there since 7am,so the uncle asked me to go to the urology department and check on kuku.


well when i reached there,all those stupid "legs and handS" gave me wrong directions!stupid!

then finally i;ve found her,lying down there doing nothing.apparently she was there for few hours and those nurses said that they've called oncology department to take my kuku back to her room.walao!!kuku was so hungry and thirsty,so i went n asked the nurses several times!then after some time only there's ppl helping my kuku back.SERVICE-LIKE SHIT!



then she ate the whole pau that i bought,fruits and so on.i was glad to see her eating so much.but it was the worst day ever,kuku was bleeding so much,i was practically changing the sarong every hour..i didnt noe wat to do but prayed for her. Kor boy (cousin aka her son)was of cos very sumtong and sad when he saw what his mother was going through,but he was trying to be as strong as possible for his mum.

so i was there with her for the whole day till my cousin came,then till my sister came then till my mum came~:) i went back earlier with my mummy cos i was so tired~


mm..for ur information, my kuku is the type of woman who would keep everything to herself and not tell anyone,even when she's in pain.so she was so strong and capable in bearing all the pain that she was going through.

so on friday,raq went and took care of kuku,my dad went too.then in the evening,we brought food for her.my dad was tellling my aunt to eat because she has to be strong to go through chemotherapy n all.

then sat came.i wasnt there the whole day cos we (lydia and i) had to fetch my uncle and aunty from the bus station,they came down from johor.then we drove to the hospital.kuku was in the dialysis room,so we went there.we even bought goreng pisang cos she wanted to eat it.when we entered the room,i saw her struggling,in my mind,i tot that she was just refusing the treatment cos it was pain.i saw my parents and my cousin holding her.and we were asked to leave the room.so me lydia adelyn(her cucu) and my aunt waited outside.then my mum came out...running to find for the doctor,so i followed her(i didnt noe wat was going on) then suddenly everyone was so quient.

then my cousin came out.he cried..saying "mama mei you liao" the minute we all heard that,tears just kept flowing down.i was thinking y is it so fast?whywhy?

then my parents went n talked to the doctors.my parents and uncle went n just "sapu" the doctors and nurses.those male nurses,their attitude and services was sososo bad!

my aunt could not breath properly,therefore my cousin and parents kept asking them to give her oxygen.but then they said"oh oxygen jauh la...ada satu aje"! then my dad said" then bawa oxygen tank la!!" then they brought..and guess what??they didnt noe how to operate it!! and then they said they need to find the screwdriver!then they open one drawer at a time..and they couln't find..so they just went off!!!my kuku was suffocating and they didnt even bother!!! shit them!!!wat is this??!!!!

my parents scolded them,my mum said to the male nurses "engkau balik fikir!!hari ini,u telah bunuh seorang pesakit!!" btw..the male nurses can even laugh and walked slumber-ly after kuku died!!wtff!!!!!walao i was so mad!went infront n scolded them!!gosh!really feel like punching them on their shit faces! arrrgggh!!!

my cousin cried like there is no tommorrow..my mum and dad and sister called ppl around to ask about the burial stuff because he was too sad to handle all these.

we were lucky that my another kuku's husband's younger sister(aunty jenny)is working with nirvana,so she did everything for us.and becos we were relatives,we got upgraded to vvip room with the payment of a normal room.the services was very good.it was fast and we were all very comfortable.the chairs inside where ppl sit and wake were all like cinema chairs,then outside there's sofa and also ogawa massaging chairs for us to use.there were unlimited supply of coffee and tea and aunty jenny provided us with food.we had our own space and it was very good and comfortable..

it was a very "feng guang" ceremony!we had first class layanan and kuku had the best of all.

mmm...my cousin's wife told me that kuku kept saying that she wants to cook for me when she feels better because when i first got back,she cooked once for me and she knows that i love all of her food,so tat's y i thk she wanted to cook more for me~but she was not really well tat time when i came back.

my cousin recently told me that on the day of my arrival,kuku kept reminding korkor that i will be back by then and kept reminding him to go to the airport.

I felt so touched and sad because i didnt have enough time to spend with her.I want her to be here longer!i really miss her alot.after her death,whenever i do something that has any kaitan with her,i will think of her..whenever i passed by her house,i will feel the lost.it really saddens me whenever i think that she is no longer here with us.but lydia always said that we will meet her one day,oh did i tell u guys the good news?she accepted christ long before she knew that she entered hospital..we were all very suprised with the news!someone shared the gospel with her.Its amazing to noe that she is with God now!btw..He had assured that she is with him many times when we prayed and asked Him.:)

her departure is also good because she wont need to suffer so much.she said that she would want to die beutifully and peacefully.Godlove her so much that He didnt want her to suffer anymore.

we are all trying to think on the positive side!its okie to cry sometimes because we know that we misses her..all i can say now is that kuku..rest in peace!i noe u are in peace now!so just chill till the day we meet up with u k?

We will always pray for korkor and family.")

we will always be there for each other~:)

bali~indonesia

it was a veryvery very good vacation!!:) love to spend time with them!!:D:D

I am super lazy to write anymore and i will let the photoes do the talking..



oh btw,i am very lazy to upload pictures,so i have selected a few that can represent those places that we went~~:) if u wan to see more...check it out on facebook~:)

lydia and raq..waiting to board the plane.

after 3 hours of flight,we've finally reached indonesia bali.we took a taxi and went straight to white rose hotel, Kuta. oh the taxi driver looks like peterpan,the indon singer.:):)

we were given drinks upon arrival.

this is the reception.

can u see the stairs?thats the way up to the restaurant .

after checking in,we went around kuta.

this is warung made.its very famous in kuta.we had all kinds of food there.

pictures are all on facebook.:P

while we were choosing our sunglasses,we've noticed that there was alot of people gathering infront of the temple ,infront of warung made ..apparently,they were preparing for some praying ceremony.:)

after lunch,we went to the beach nearby

well,all i can say is tat we had lots of great time on the beach tat day~:D

after tat,we felt super hot,so guess what?its gelato time!:D

after that,we went for a nice massage.:)

this is the bus aka public transport for the balinese to move around.

the next day,we had our breakfast,and then started touring around bali.

putra(our tour guide) brought us to a house(well it looks like a house) to see pantings and arts.

this pakcik was very kind to allow me to play with his art~:D his face can be seen on facebook~:D

after that we went to this temple.balinese believed that after bathing inside this pool,they will be pure once again~:D

oh btw,did i mentioned that balinese,most of then are hindus:)

behind us is a small lake which has 2 black rotating sand like fan~:D i might put up a video of it~:)

after that we went to a place.i;ve forgotten the name of the place:P we went there to see the valcano!!!there's a lake near the valcano too!!it was sosososo pretty~:)

8,3,7,3

then we passed by the padi field.they just harvest the padi..so there's nothing left for us to see~:)

this is another temple.it was raining hearvily when we went there.but it was fun!

the next day we went to em..i;ve forgot the name of this place again~hahah..well,in actual fact,i;m too lazy to search for its name~:P anyway,we were sitting up on a hill,eating our lunch!~the scenery was nice.:)

oh the thing behind us,its like a statue with all the names of those who;ve got killed during the bomb.our hotel is just behind it.:) this place has lots of clubs and of cos ang moh!!:)

we were in kuta for 3 days,the next morning,we headed to intercontinental hotel!:)

last day in kuta.

the room in white rose.

the next morning,we went to incontinantel hotel,checked in and pratically just chilled around.:) it was a nice hotel.

after swimming,we went for our lunch.the place is called out of space i think~:P
its just opposite our hotel.
but then,its hidden.:P

the food there was great.after that,we went to jimbaran bay.a place to see the sunset.

jimbaran bay is also famous for its seafood. the food was great!!haha..love it!after the dinner,we could not fet a taxi to send us back,therefore, walking back to out hotel was the only way.it seems quite near to our hotel.") after walking for 5 min,it rained heavily..gosh..we were all soaking wet when we reached the hotel.hahaha..it was ssosososo funny!

earlier on,our suite that we were suppose to stay were not ready,therefore,we were asked to wait in a temporarily room.so after dinner,we went n asked about our room,and guess what?they told us that they have upgraded our room into this!!haha..it was HUGE!!! we got 2 rooms!!ahha..

intercontinantel hotel.

the next day,we went to the airport to fly back to malaysia.had our lunch in the airport`:) fanta is just nice la!!:P

it was a super good vacation!!love it so much!!

totally loving my summer holidays!!!

since i came back home

On the 14th of june,my plane landed on KLIA! I felt very happy,nervous and of cause excited to meet my family..

The minute we stepped down from the plane,ching yee was complaining that it was super hot~:P
Anyway, we went and collect our belongings and guess what??!! haha..all of the bags came out and ching yee's huge black bag was not there.She was so panic until kelvin (her hero) shouted "eh ching!! isn't that ur bag??" ching yee was like" yeayea!!!' then kelvin and ching yee ran to the other conveyer to "rampas" her bag back!hahaha..

neway after that,we went out and i saw my mummy and my cousin!hahaha...then i saw LIM ENG SENG's mum.I went to her,she was super cute.clapping her hands and smilling wide..haha..then that idiot es came n say super loudly " eh MY MUM SAID THAT U PUT ON WEIGHT!" ISH!! then his mum was like "ssshhhh,sui zai" :P

anyway i went to my sisters and parents and my cousin nice nephew and my kuku!!i was sososos happy to see them :) they were all super shocked when they saw me becos they said that i am so not me!! em super fat..face looks not good~hair too long..hahaha.

We alll went home and guess what?The eating spree begun!! woohoo..been eating alotalotalot...
I was like a princess!!:P

The following week i will be going Bali!! i will update about it soon!!:)

I LOVE BEING AT HOME!! Love Malaysia!

p/s:alot of things happened since i got back..i will be talking about it soon :)

life

Ive been going to the hospital these few days because my kuku(aunt) is sick.

seeing her in that kind of situation really breaks my heart

Why her?why?

i really pray that she will be strong, tough , to go thru all these~

been holding back tears whenever i think of her.

We surrender her into ur mighty hands oh Lord!

treasure everyone around u ppl!!

life is so fragile!

shifted house~

today,all of us shifted out from JBC(James Blyth Court) to TCC(Thomas Campbell Court)~
I've only did the 1st half which is from JBC to the small littlle hill,because I had to go to China Buffet King to work.It was my first time.I was a little nervous but it went all okie although it was very tiring.I had to work/stand since i got there until the end of my shift.

The way back home was pretty long because I had to rest a couple of time.I was too tired and my legs were very painful.After reaching home,I had to clear things and get my things from some of my frens.
Oh by the way,the back of my foot has a huge blister,it was very painful when water "touches" it.I was practically screaming in the toilet while I was taking my shower!

Anyway crystal gave me some medicine to apply,hopefully the blister will be okie by tomorrow.

I'm sleeping now..I need a very good rest as I need to go church early in the morning tomorrow.I'm the usher for tomorrow's event.:)

Good night yea~

p/s:its the 18th month edi!!:):) love u!!<3<3